im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
