I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize