I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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