when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
