Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
