omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you made out with another girl for some wings
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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