She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
