I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
