I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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