i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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