If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
