I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
