my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
