i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
