this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
do nipples grow back?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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