just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
