All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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