your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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