i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wear drunk well.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
