I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
