well I can't set my house on fire every night
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
