Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
