He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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