nut hugger
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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