How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
