either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
