life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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