he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
