My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
birth control should be required to get into college
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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