he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
