was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
