I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
