my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
