this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
