Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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