woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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