i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
