Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
