did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
