I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
