My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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