I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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