It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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