What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
