I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
BRING THE BAGELS
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
