meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Randomize
