How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize