how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
