Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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