You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
