I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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