one two three fourrrrnication!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you had me at cake vodka
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
