I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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