Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
