My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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