it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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