I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
