Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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