Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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