I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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