I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize