i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
