Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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