A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
