Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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