I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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