Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
