....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
