Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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