we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
