Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
