One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
