If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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