Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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