She's JV to your varsity
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
