i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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