Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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