I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
