after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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