i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
