dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
