The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
