Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
