Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize