i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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