You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
