we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize