OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
