9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
